May 21, 2024

One of the best experiences of my life was when I found out I was in a shop 100% committed to fresh British meat

It was like a dream come true.

Earlier today I entered the Cambridge Co-op on Hills Road.

I was just walking around looking at stuff when I saw a sign above the meat refrigerator.

It said ‘We’re 100% committed to fresh British meat’.

‘Oh, that’s great’ I said to myself.

I couldn’t quite believe it.

I’d heard about shops being 100% committed to fresh British meat, but I’d never actually been inside one.

It was amazing.

The feeling was indescribable.

The image of a six foot four inch, 14 stone English butcher, with forearms like legs of jamon iberico popped into my head.

‘I love those guys!’ I thought.

Then I thought about scrawny guys, who weren’t quite as sturdy looking and bracing as the butcher guy who I had thought about. Some of them, in my head, were a little bit menacing, and took drugs. They probably said bad things to other people on social media in the evenings, when they weren’t taking drugs. These guys I imagined to be working in meat processing plants and abattoirs. But they’d all be working in Britain.

‘I love all those guys too!’ I thought.

It just felt so good to be in a shop, whose CEO, I presumed, shared the same values as me.

‘And what are those esteemed values?’ I hear you ask.

Well: ‘fresh’ ‘British’ and ‘meat’.

I’m all about ‘fresh’ ‘British’ and ‘meat’.

And when I think about it, I guess I always have been.

Finally, in Co-op, I have found a home.

I wont be leaving.

On Cambridge




Commentary on Cambridge

Attempt at satire

About Author